I started writing before I ever thought about being a writer.
Throwing words down on a page was satisfying, as a process, and I engaged in writing for my own reasons: to share the work with friends, have a few laughs and most of all, to live life on another layer, in another dimension, in insight, reflection, high comedy and reverie. By the time I considered submitting my writing to any publication, of any kind, I was far out on a limb, deep in the indie spirit.
The first piece of mine that was published was from the point-of-view of an unexplained collective narrator, “we", moving through a surreal landscape with specific events, and an imagistic twist at the end.
It was a short piece published underneath a large illustration in a newspaper-style lit journal which has surely long since disappeared. Seeing my cluster of words in print was enough for me to keep going, and to start looking more closely at the craft and the industry.
That was thirty years ago.
Now, I have three books out and more in the works. Former students and others often ask if they should aim for one of the “big” publishers or self publish, as though those are the two choices.
There’s an entire landscape of amazing small and medium-sized indie presses in between. Also, there are countless online and print journals, looking for shorter work. The options are abundant.
I’m a huge fan of independent publishers and small press publications; they have the ability to take creative risks.
When I started looking for a publisher for my first novel—my first book-length work—I spent years continuing to revise the manuscript while also sending the work out, and writing letters to agents and editors.
Submission can be an awful process, and an enlightening one.
At its worst, it might start to feel like you’re moving through a party, asking strangers if you have food in your teeth, without a single honest answer coming back your way: the central question can twist and morph in your mind and spirit, until you feel yourself asking only, what is wrong with my work? What is wrong, what is wrong, what is wrong…The goal is acceptance, of all damn things, and there might not be anything at all “wrong” with your book-in-process, though it can be hard to tell if nobody will…tell…you…
A nightmare scenario, right?
If you’re submitting work, and you start to feel you’ve lost yourself along the way, stop and check in, with yourself first. Ask if you’ve written what you wanted to write. Does it work for you? If you honestly feel you’ve accomplished your own goals, then trust yourself and the words on the page. Trust, and keep reading, thinking, listening.
I came to visualize the process of submission as though moving slowly around a massive stone wall, like a walled city or a fortress, looking for the loose rock, the hidden key, the trapdoor, going around and around and around, until my metaphoric fingers were bleeding. The image was helpful to me, because it reminded me to not give up.
I continued to revise, and to seek suggestions from other writers and friends, but I also didn’t internalize an editor’s rejection. It’s a careful balance. I’m sure so many of you know the struggle.
My first and third books were picked up by smaller publishers, wonderful editors, and I am forever grateful.
In between, an agent sold my second novel to a subsidiary of one of the “Big Five” publishers, and that too has been amazing.
Recently, I’ve started on the path to work with an agent again. Agents are busy, like most of us, and so many lives have been disrupted lately, I know we’re all managing as best we can. If you’re sending work out to agents and struggling to hear back, just know you’re not alone.
I’m thrilled to say I’ve signed with a new agent.
She and I will soon begin the process of knocking on doors, looking for that match between editor and author, looking for the loose rock, the trapdoor, the way in, the perfect key.
Are there any questions, among you, about the process? I’d love to hear from you!
I hope you’re well and enjoying these spring days as best as one can.
xo
Enjoying your reflections, and congrats on the new agent! Something you wrote resonates with me, about asking yourself if you have written what you wanted to write... I have had similar ups and downs composing music, and more recently working on poetry and having taken a long break from social media I asked myself what the impulse to put work out there was all about. Social media posts and likes and online promotion seem to teach us all to try and continually be a little more famous, conferences will invite us to think of everything as marketing, and received ideas of getting big publishing deals (or big recording contracts, etc.) are also about fame. I think fame becomes its own hamster wheel, and actually traps those who achieve it into thinking its machinations are what art is about. But I also don't think it's just about one's personal, isolated judgment or vision, that feels lonely, the classic alienated artist... maybe it's about the way of seeing the world that you find emergent in your art, and bolstering the like emergent impulse in connection with others, whether it's one person at a reading, or a close-knit group, or a lot of people introduced to your work by some trustworthy champion. I like thinking that it isn't just the object created, it's that whole fabric of idea and experience and creation your work weaves you into.
Congratulations on getting a new agent and best wishes on finding that perfect editor/publisher match.